It was a dark and stormy night, when an experiment in time travel went horribly awry....
Quench Nearly and his friends Skeeter and Rip (and their cousin Melvin) had just finished rehearsing with their hip, local, independent rock and roll band "The Kooky Kats." They had just cracked open a couple of cold long-necks, when they found themselves in an argument about a piece of classic "Full House" trivia...
"You're crazy! The coolest part about uncle Jesse was that he had a motorcycle. He's a rebel -- as untamable as his righteous hairdo," exclaimed Rip.
"And he thinks I'm the crazy one," replied Skeeter. "The coolest part about uncle Jesse is that he played in a sweet rock n' roll band. He even had a sweet recording studio where he could shred tunes all the time. Pssh. Melvin, what do you thinK??"
Melvin stammered a bit, having never seen an episode of Full House himself. When the other boys discovered, they made him watch all eight seasons consecutively, as well as the hard to find feature length Full House movie, "Comet's Revenge." The experience was too much for Melvin's soft brain to handle, and as a result, Melvin thought it was still the year 1999!
The boys knew if they wanted to save their friend, they'd have to act fast. They cobbled together a makeshift time machine from Full House DVD's, filled the gas tank with clear Pepsi and they were on their way. Back to 1999, where hopefully, they could find some clues as to how to save their friend, and maybe have a little fun playing some of the current hits of the time in the process.
In a world where society's selective memory and attention-deprived minds remember only the big trends and emboldened headlines of the past, it is essential that those of us with the restorative capacity to open the world's collective consciousness to the lesser-known aspects of history enlighten the inhabitants of civilization to the nuances of culture passed. The Gin Doctors exist partly to fill this need. Quench Nearly's legacy is intertwined with this recollection...
We all remember when Sheryl Crow's sophomore album, Sheryl Crow, was banned from Wal-Mart stores for extreme lyrics and guitar licks that could only be identified as “other-worldly.” (footnote fake Rolling Stone article here) What many DON'T remember was that Sheryl Crow was co-written by a young, outspoken nephew of Sheryl's. That nephew? Quench Nearly.
When the U.S. Congress unofficially met in October of 1990 to discuss human rights violations of Saddam Hussein, an 8-year-old Quench immediately saw through the propaganda of the “Iraqi babies in incubators” campaign that was used to sell the Gulf War to uninformed Americans. In the years following, Quench did extensive research into the public relations firm Hill and Knowlton (the PR firm behind the war), only to find their falsification of the facts reprehensibly immoral. Quench teamed up with author John MacArthur to publish The Second Front, ghostwriting under MacArthur one of the most comprehensive accounts of manipulation of the news media during the war. Quench can be seen still today wearing a Hill and Knowlton-manufactured “Free Kuwait” tee shirt, understanding the irony of the tee and hoping to incite nuanced discussion of the real reasons the War was perpetrated.
On a less political note, we can all thank Quench for the demise of New Kids on the Block. “You can only ride this train so far, Donnie.” - Quench Nearly, backstage at the Kids' Choice Awards, July 1994.
Remember “Dolly,” the genetically-cloned sheep? The embryologist who began the project? Take a wild guess.
In 2014, Quench spends his days scouring the archives of the 1990s, trying to connect missing links and unearth buried treasures. He spends his nights playing guitar, keyboards and singing in Gin Doctors.
The son of two Nashville session players, wunderkind Skeeter Cruz was born in 1983 in the suburbs of Tennessee. Taught by his father to play the guitar at an early age, by 6 he was playing in Nashville country sessions for the likes of Alabama and the Oak Ridge Boys. By the time he was 10 he was studying full time with Carlos Santana who, one night after a long night of Corzo Blanco shots with the elder Cruz told the boys’ father “Damn, this kid can really play!”
In 1997, when Pat Smear left the Foo Fighters, Dave Grohl knew right away who he needed to fill the void - 14 year old Cruz stepped in and went on his first world tour. Since then he has filled in with world class players of all genres, occasionally going back to his country roots but always playing a healthy dose of 90’s alternative rock to compliment both sides of his playing.
Cruz has been credited by many to be responsible for Nickelback’s reprehensible sound, meeting the Canadian rock outfit in Austin one year in his teens and showing a few country riffs to lead singer Chad Nickelback. He has since formally apologized for the incident and has since retired from teaching new students on guitar.
After playing as a fill-in guitarist and tech for a few pop divas over the last decade, Skeeter decided in 2012 to retire from the road and revitalize the once robust Denver music scene by forming the Gin Doctors, a tribute to the greatest decade of music the world has ever known.
Growing up wasn’t easy for Rip Holiday. The late seventies were, surpisingly, a shitty time to grow up in Bakersfield, California. The bastard son of an unemployed welder and an exotic dancer, Dennis “Rip” Holiday was used to living paycheck to paycheck. After his father left and his mother died of hepatitis, 5-year-old Rip was raised by his sister, who soon picked up her mother’s trade.
By 8, Rip was a fearsome schoolyard bully, taking lunch money and giving knuckle sandwiches. At 13 he was stealing cars, dealing drugs, and on his way to being a regular thug. When his sister was sent to jail for prostitution, Rip fell through the cracks of the foster care system and was left to raise himself at 15.
After a bare-knuckle brawl with Chris Cornell at an early Temple of the Dog show, Rip caught a performance by a band called KaBBage (later to be known as Korn), and his life changed forever. The way drummer David Silveria pounded his kit made Rip realize he could channel his anger through music. Aggressive, angry music.
He bought a $75 Ludwig drum kit the very next day, and a few months later he was gigging regularly at the local bars. He quickly developed his chops and started the nu-metal band Oathßreaker, which quickly garnered massive attention along the local meathead scene.
After a long ride of bad coke and worse women, Rip decided he’d throw his massive arms into a new project and moved to Denver to join the Gin Doctors. And with a wedding to actress Jennifer Aniston in the works, things are looking up for the young boy from the wrong side of the tracks.
A byproduct of the tragic accident keeping the band stuck in 1999, Melvin can't remember any of his life in the 16 years since. The band only knows what they've known in the few years they've been playing music together, and that's that Melvin loves a good time.
The band refers to him as their cousin, because he has no other family, and now must be taken care of by the other three. All he needs is several light beers, a pack of cigarettes, and a beautiful woman on his arm every couple days and he seems to remain healthy and happy. Melvin is unable, however, to handle hearing any news from "the future," and so the band must be careful not to mention ANYTHING that's happened since the year 1999, or he goes into a Hulk-like rampage.
Melvin's god given "idiot savant-esque" talent for the bass guitar can't be explained, he's simply known everything there is to know about the instrument since his accident. Whatever the reason, no one can deny his skill, and the band continues to rely weekly on his sweet, sweet chops.